roses are red
i really have quite a lot of things to do and i know i shd be concentrating on more impt stuff. but i seriously think i owe everyone a v long post.
fever's gone. nose is ok le. but e sore throat and cough still doesn't wanna go away. man. one whole wk le. hmm.
on thurs, i experienced this feeling again. during her class it's always like this. idunno how to describe it. maybe fear. but no. smth more than that. fear with respect. with silent respect. its the unspoken kind of discipline. that's what sj needs. seriously, i've nv felt this kind of feeling in sj ever since sec 1 when ma'am shuyan's batch was in charge. i hope our squad can instill this kind of feeling in our juniors. but i know it's not possible. i know my squad. we have our limits. even our own problems are not solved. how can we control our juniors and command thier respect?
in sec 1, it was life full of enthusiasm and anticipation. i had looked forward to this day that is now coming so close...too close. that was the only reason for me to stay. of course, soon i discovered another reason too. and i went all crazy over it. those days... oh man. i feel old.
in sec 2, the crazy feeling was still there. but soon i could feel. it was fading away. and everything. it seemed more of a habit. a chore. a duty. an obligation. muscle memory. that was all that it was. but then lucky for me, i found another peice of wood to cling on, floating aimlessly in my vast ocean of troubles. or so i thought.
sec 2 yr passed too quickly. everything took a great turn. 360 degrees. i was swung around. hard. and smacked against the cruel truth. exposed. naked. vulnerable. i was nothing but a box that could be manipulated by a single button of ur remote control. yet im willing to be controlled by it as long as you don't plug me out of your switch. because once that happens, i'll just be a useless box collecting dust. and soon, layer by layer, i'll vanish before your eyes. but that was what you did... and how many times i cried... all night, just crying myself to sleep. and shouting, beating against the glass walls that enclosed me in this box...
soon. all too soon. everything will be over for them. yet it will be a key to the door of our fears. once unlocked, all will be unleashed. sinking into this dark pool and letting everything swirl around us as we writhe in pain. it will be our starting point. we'll be paying a different game. this time we will no longer be the pawns that others will be moving. we will be the movers of the pawns. and every move we make, will have its consequences, whether good and bad. the more you play the game, the more your opponent will start to hate you. and soon, you will be drowing in the hatred of others. so what else can you do but swallow it down? the more u swallow the deeper the hatred is in you and more hatred is contained in u... somehow, one day, you'll transfer it all to ur next player of the game.
fever's gone. nose is ok le. but e sore throat and cough still doesn't wanna go away. man. one whole wk le. hmm.
on thurs, i experienced this feeling again. during her class it's always like this. idunno how to describe it. maybe fear. but no. smth more than that. fear with respect. with silent respect. its the unspoken kind of discipline. that's what sj needs. seriously, i've nv felt this kind of feeling in sj ever since sec 1 when ma'am shuyan's batch was in charge. i hope our squad can instill this kind of feeling in our juniors. but i know it's not possible. i know my squad. we have our limits. even our own problems are not solved. how can we control our juniors and command thier respect?
in sec 1, it was life full of enthusiasm and anticipation. i had looked forward to this day that is now coming so close...too close. that was the only reason for me to stay. of course, soon i discovered another reason too. and i went all crazy over it. those days... oh man. i feel old.
in sec 2, the crazy feeling was still there. but soon i could feel. it was fading away. and everything. it seemed more of a habit. a chore. a duty. an obligation. muscle memory. that was all that it was. but then lucky for me, i found another peice of wood to cling on, floating aimlessly in my vast ocean of troubles. or so i thought.
sec 2 yr passed too quickly. everything took a great turn. 360 degrees. i was swung around. hard. and smacked against the cruel truth. exposed. naked. vulnerable. i was nothing but a box that could be manipulated by a single button of ur remote control. yet im willing to be controlled by it as long as you don't plug me out of your switch. because once that happens, i'll just be a useless box collecting dust. and soon, layer by layer, i'll vanish before your eyes. but that was what you did... and how many times i cried... all night, just crying myself to sleep. and shouting, beating against the glass walls that enclosed me in this box...
soon. all too soon. everything will be over for them. yet it will be a key to the door of our fears. once unlocked, all will be unleashed. sinking into this dark pool and letting everything swirl around us as we writhe in pain. it will be our starting point. we'll be paying a different game. this time we will no longer be the pawns that others will be moving. we will be the movers of the pawns. and every move we make, will have its consequences, whether good and bad. the more you play the game, the more your opponent will start to hate you. and soon, you will be drowing in the hatred of others. so what else can you do but swallow it down? the more u swallow the deeper the hatred is in you and more hatred is contained in u... somehow, one day, you'll transfer it all to ur next player of the game.
posted by C~~~@ at 6:24 AM
2 Comments:
i agree.
the day is coming far too close i'm scared.
anyway, im clever. cos i understood every single word you said.
get well soon dear. (:
thank you :)
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