fantasies

in the past, long ago, it was like a fantasy. not becoz it really was a fantasy but becoz it seemed like one. coz understanding was lacking. hmm. ya. u know why i had used the word dream inside? it was like its name. is like its name. and will forever be like its name. coz it will forever be a dream. but i suppose, overall, it was a happy dream. sort of. ya. there was water running now and then. but still... anyway. the point is, fantasies will always be fantasies. oh, we can hope of course. but hope is empty. and well, some say worry is like a rocking chair it gives u smth to do but gets u nowhere. but i think sometimes hope is like a rocking chair too. in most cases. the saddest thing is, sometimes its like growing those crystals. it's long term. so if u do smth wrong halfway, no way can u correct it. it's there already. if u want, u can only start all over again. and those fantasies; u have them once, it goes wrong somewhere and u can't correct it. this time, meaning u really really can't. coz there will nv be a 2nd one again. the 2nd one will not be able to be a fantasy. it might still be a dream. it might be a nightmare. and once in a while, maybe a slice a reality. anything it was, it just couldn't be a fantasy any more. so one shouldn't expect too much.