innocence

lose what you cannot gain to gain what you cannot lose...

when it's time to let go, it's time. a burden lifted off. yet there's this constant nagging voice. is it really safe to let a balloon float into the sky on its own?

dig dig digdigdig [turn]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [ push]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [lock]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [dig]
tap tap tap bang!
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [lift]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [ look]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [check]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap taptapbang!

if you don't do something for too long, you start to lose the feeling.
wonder if it's the same for yearning. lots of things yearned but never gotten... confidence. poise. capabilities. perseverence. positions. recognition. relationships. acceptance. love.
maybe if u don't yearn for too long, you can finally start to lose the feeling?


when i was a cadet, i used to think about how to die. during drill, my eyes are on the 2nd floor pillars, or the tip of the coconut tree, or the sj rm windows, or the horizontal ceiling pillars of the basement but my mind would be somewhere else. i used to debate what would be better. black out. collaspe. back arched as body fell...gracefully backwards...and head has to hit first to get it over and done with. high above ground. i thought about the possible places. i place beside where the new rooftop hall is. nobody went there. the small balcony area on the 4th floor at where the toilets are... so many places... or the toilets. is it possible to drown in tears of sorrow? twenty seven names for tears...

weren't chains ashamed of their prisoners?