sorry

im sorry everyone. I know im a very lousy squad ic....

self worth

I know a lot of pple will be reading this. I shall make this as objective as possible.

my squad has put in a lot of effort to guide the sec 1s. i do not want to recall the number of times we met up with them, neither do i want to count the documents we passed to them, the smses and reminders. i shall not count the fact that they are almost 1 mth in sj. i shall not mention how difficult it is talk to/teach a group of innocent/ ignorant people about things they probably don't want to learn.

i just want to say that we are trying our best so please stop pressurising us. thank you.

Friday, July 01, 2005

i m not in a good mood. today was a very strangely long and rough day. feelings i never ever felt before.... perhaps a little regret?
we had not treasured them enough at all. we shd not have blamed them for every slightest things they scolded or punished us for. we shd not have took them for granted. that they'll always be there. maybe they don't feel good themselves for punishing us, even when they know we might misunderstand them, they still have to do their part. maybe we weren't understanding enough. but whatever, all these are too late. there's a time to cry, a time to laugh, a time to leave, a time to die. maybe now, it's a time to move on. no use brooding on the past. perphaps my focus shd be on the present and the future. sec 3s have taken over. they are a totally different batch. with totally different styles. totally different people with different characters. maybe it's a time to adapt. easier said than done, even now a sickening voice inside me keep screaming that i don't want them to go, i don't want our sec 3 SENIORS to take over. i don't want to address them as ncos. i don't want to be separated frm my dream321. i would rather run 4 rounds around the sch + 250 pumpings than let them leave. but what choice do we have? this is life. i will miss everything. really. her cpr lessons. we never had enough of them. our first aid. it's really not gd enough! our footdrill. according to them it's perfect. perfectly disgusting. so why not stay and help us? oh they will never be forgotten. all 7 of them. in different ways we will all remember them and they will become part of our life. or rather have already been. but as yh says too, ren2 zhi3 neng2 pei2 ban4 ling4 wai4 yi2 ge4 ren2 zou3 yi2 duan4 lu4, zui4 zhong1 wo3 men2 bu2 shi4 hai2 dei3 li2 kai1? all gd things have to come to an end. maybe the end is now. after today i feel...more mature? perphaps time will wash away those feelings and heal all wounds. i don't believe it will make me forget, but at least i won't be haunted of her memory all the time. i m contented. fate gave me 1 yr and 7 months to be with her. what more can i ask for?