innocence

lose what you cannot gain to gain what you cannot lose...

when it's time to let go, it's time. a burden lifted off. yet there's this constant nagging voice. is it really safe to let a balloon float into the sky on its own?

dig dig digdigdig [turn]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [ push]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [lock]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [dig]
tap tap tap bang!
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [lift]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [ look]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig [check]
dig dig digdigdig
dig dig digdigdig
tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap taptapbang!

if you don't do something for too long, you start to lose the feeling.
wonder if it's the same for yearning. lots of things yearned but never gotten... confidence. poise. capabilities. perseverence. positions. recognition. relationships. acceptance. love.
maybe if u don't yearn for too long, you can finally start to lose the feeling?


when i was a cadet, i used to think about how to die. during drill, my eyes are on the 2nd floor pillars, or the tip of the coconut tree, or the sj rm windows, or the horizontal ceiling pillars of the basement but my mind would be somewhere else. i used to debate what would be better. black out. collaspe. back arched as body fell...gracefully backwards...and head has to hit first to get it over and done with. high above ground. i thought about the possible places. i place beside where the new rooftop hall is. nobody went there. the small balcony area on the 4th floor at where the toilets are... so many places... or the toilets. is it possible to drown in tears of sorrow? twenty seven names for tears...

weren't chains ashamed of their prisoners?

wake me up when everything ends.

there are many reasons why a person would ram his head into a wall. let's analyse the following reasons:

1) he is pervertic: hey i've never died before, wonder how that feels? hmm let's try it out!

2) he is suicidal: if i ram my head into the wall, i'll leave this place for a better one. if it doesn't turn out to be a success then never mind; i've had so many failures in life, one more won't make a difference. If not, that'll be the last failure you'll ever have in a lifetime anyway.

3) he is lame: while thinking about why a person would ram his head into a wall, he was so engrossed that he didn't see the wall that was right in his face and he walked smack into it...

4) he is lost: when one's vision is clouded by other desires, you naturally miss out what's right in front of you. and im not only talking about walls...

5) he is pressurised: when the whole world is ramming their heads on walls, hey man what else can you do but follow the crowd and do the same?

6) he is like so whatever: who cares? ram head against wall means ram head against wall!!



i wouldn't mind someone coming up right now and ramming my head against the wall for me. (i think im zi lian enough not to bear doing it myself) i need to have a clear mind now. get ur priorities right!! i really need someone to call me everyday and say, hey i've finished my hw, done all my sketches for coursewk, started on mole concept and done half of bio. oh yeah and i borrowed a bk titled "Global Warming, opposing viewpts" and I've analysed the text and taken down useful facts. and btw, my whole corp's getting their chief comm badge this coming sun. what bout u?

虚伪的一切

我根本没有资格埋怨你对我说的谎言和落空的承诺，因为连我自己也实现不了对自己的承诺。